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Friday, 23 September 2011

Fireflies ( Part X- Grace dies )

She wanted to travel around the world. Or at least out of this town with you. She used to sit and plan the places you both would visit and how she would live her life once again. She was sure that in spite of her ill health you wouldn’t abandon her like your father. All these years, never did your father once try and find out about her. Neither did anybody else from his family. She used to send your father gifts every Christmas asking him to send it across to you, and not mentioning you about who sent it but I don’t think you ever received any of them.

Every day before going to bed my child she used to come to my room, ask me about my day. She used to listen to my school ordeals and stories of kids in the class and try and place you in any of those stories. When sleepy she used to kiss me good night and say that she loved me just as much as she loved you too. She felt I would feel bad because all day she would talk about you and never ask about me. I used to laugh and tell her that not everything needs to be said, as something’s are understood. But thinking of those nights now, I feel those were the best part of my day.

We had a nice run together for 3 years my child and time flew. Those were the fastest three years of my life. One day I was at school when I got a call from the hospital. Your mother had a heart attack on her way to the doctor. I was supposed to go with her but last moment she decided to go alone and asked me to carry on with school. By the time I reached the hospital, she was already gone.

I still remember her lifeless face when I saw her. She looked pretty old for her age. And I never could hold her at her last moments. Grace left all alone, collapsing in the doctors clinic while she was waiting for her turn. i still thank her for making sure I told her I love her the previous night because other I would have regretted it as I regret till date of not being there for her, with her in her last moments. Sometimes I sit and wonder what would have been her last thought and then it comes to me without any doubt that it was for sure you. in her stuffs I found one of the letters she had written to you the previous night. It had her experiences and love in every word. She had not mentioned a single word about her troubles and I knew why. Because even in a letter that she would never post she dint want to write about her problems and make you worry for her. That was how much she loved you. 

I feel so bad that all her dreams that she had planned to live never could come true but instead she gifted those to them. I felt eternally overjoyed when I saw you for the first time when you came asking for me with Casy. Every moment I spent with you and Casy I had Grace in mind because I wanted her to live those lovely moments through me.

I find myself contemplating life sad it can be, how short it is, how much we all take for granted, how joyful it can be, how random what we're all dealt really is. Sometimes life just happens to us and there's not a damned thing we can do about it. Sometimes choices we make cause us to be in a place we never dreamed we'd be. Though it was never supposed to be this way, I am grateful to have known her. And though there were times when she caused me great heartache there were also times when she brought great joy. 

My child, you have your mother’s heart. Trust me when I say this because I knew her better than anybody else in this whole wide world. She never gave upon life. She never quit trying because she always believed in one thing. Her love for you. and she was quite sure that this love would make her see through those darks days. Never give upon on life because Grace never did. Even in her worst days she believed in miracles and hoped to live every moment to the fullest.



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