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Thursday, 13 October 2011

Sach Ka Saamnaa... Rakhi Sawant

P.S : This is a Long Post..!!! ZULMI was being aired on TV and trust me the movie IS definitely what the title suggests. It was during one of the breaks(phew..!!) that I had an Epiphany..!! About the Truth. The truth About Rakhi Sawant. I suggest you grab a coke and pop corn before reading..!!!

When Rakhi sawant proclaimed her unconditional love for Baba Ramdev, she became the center of media insult and mockery of many. She fell in love with him because he fought against corruption. His yoga made her lose weight (this was funny.) and that because he is sexy..!!! (Wow.. I never knew that  a squint and a beard can turn her ON..!!! ).The tabloid sadly used her, her comments and future plans (which included a makeover of Baba and his looks) to fill empty spaces they had reserved for Anna hazzare and his statements which was called off.

Mocking her is easy...But nobody dares to know The Real Rakhi Sawant. Hence the post..!! Read On..*if you can handle the truth* 

Rakhi Sawant’s exact date of birth is still under debate. Archeologists claim that Rakhi was discovered frozen (in her THE now form) in the age that saw the perish of the mighty Dinosaurs. However though they couldn’t link her discovery and the exact reason for extinction of dinosaurs, they never denied this claim. They have found a staggering similarity in the brain size of the dinosaur and Miss Rakhi herself which was quite astounding small.
Other set of researchers claim that Rakhi was the missing link between the apes and the mankind. An X-ray analysis of her jaw line and prominent facial features closely relating to that of the orangutan strongly justifies their point in the debate of her origin. Their story is stated as the possible evolution could have happened during the dawn of the ice age when two orangutan might have mated under the heavy exposure of UV shower from the sun. Her temper levels and attention seeking nature is said to be the result of a heavy mutation lacking brain and mouth co-ordination. (BTW, another secret news Since this mutation was never considered as a super power, Rakhi's request to join the X-Men was denied.)

On the contrary to these facts provided by the world famous archaeologists, the medical fraternity have come up with their own explanation and claiming that Rakhi was one of the medicines first ever miracle. She was the first ever artificially synthesized non bio degradable human made of 100 percent vegetarian animal parts. They have stated very strong evidence to support their theory with the exact blue print of her body structure and silicon parts. Champak bhumiya, a famous Indian medical historian now settled in the lower ridge of the artic belt has agreed to this information. Champak bhumiya, fondly a Champu among penguin and walrus friends had specialized his study of her. He in an exclusive interview confirmed that she was the result of massive German experiment. She and many more copies of her were supposed to form a team performing an extensive wipe out job in killing the allies’ forces and winning the war for them. Unfortunately before this project never materialized as the Nazis lost the war and this facility was shut down in time. However she ( the prototype ) escaped, and took refuge in Indian Cinema. They claim that her loud mouth attitude and “yell to tell” nature was a special feature added to compliment the Furor Hitler himself.

With two major branches in science fighting for this her, the church has also joined this claim game. Rubbishing all the facts stated by science (like always) the Vatican said that the story of Rakhi has been removed from the bible on an undisclosable reason. However a secret source from the pope’s bathroom leaked this information online yesterday.  Rakhi was the initial and only creation that Satan ever made. He had created her in order to tempt man with the forbidden fruit but she instead started entertaining him with some sensuous item numbers. (There by laying the foundation stones for the idea of the need of strip clubs in the mind of men.)
Disappointed, Satan took matter in his own hands and tempted eve, who was roaming around pissed off with Adam and his lack of attention towards her. While all this was happening, Adam was still dancing to the “chadti jawani” song with Rakhi. This theory answers the question that many atheists have asked over years “where was Adam when Eve was being tempted with the Apple?”  Later when Adam and eve were banished out of the paradise, Rakhi was condemned to India. Her arrival marked the decline of Saas Bahu dramas and the rise of Totally-scripted-reality shows like Rakhi Ka Sawyamvar, Raaki ka insaaf, Pati, patni aur Woh, Gajab desh ji Ajab kahani and many other talk shows that Rakhi herself hosted. Sources say Indian population was on a all time rise as couple found more time for each other than watching T.V as she ruled all channels.

 Rakhi had maintained a low profile throughout till she won the “Ugliest man contest” held in the interior galis of Bombay. Rakhi was instantly noticed and approached by many producers from the B town, the poplular being the Ramsey brothers. Like a the Salman-Bharjatiya team gave epic family drama hits.. Rakhi and Ramsey brothers collaborated in many Horror films with Rakhi playing the role of lead actress ghost. Films like “purani haveli mein bhoot naye naveli”, “Choli ke peeche..ek dukhi aatma” “daroege phir maroge” being a cult hit. Her natural expression and makeup less face scared the s#it out of people worldwide. She also voiced for the horror animation “ek bhoot Bandar ke andar”. Though the movie did not do well, her natural voice and expressions for both monkey and the ghost was widely appreciated by critics. This bond broke when Rakhi wanted to do some item numbers as ghost in the movie to which the Ramsey brother declined there by ending the golden era of Hindi horror film industries.

Many know her for the Mika Singh kiss episode, her break up with then boyfriend some XYZ Awasthi , her swayamvar(WTF??) on T.V, then again her break up with the media husband.. Rakhi has done it all. Her show “Rakhi ka insaaf” was stopped after one fellow killed himself post her verdict. (true story btw) but many don’t know that she also sang and acted as a supergirl generated from a computer (again true story). but nobody knows her irreplaceable contribution to the entertainment world. She provided the feedback for the Spielberg team for the behavioral patterns of the dinosaurs for the movie Jurassic Park. The facial image structure for Godzilla and Jaadu in Koi Mil Gaya(Proof apart from looks, Jaadu did a dance remember ??? ). Her recent being the Intelligent Ape in the Rise Of Ape flick. Now the sole reason why she never made a big deal of all these is because she is humble. She doesn't believe in showing off something thats too obvious.

Now with all these contributions to the mankind by a single person, you tell me.. is she a media/ attention seeking woman ?? try judging her..??? Can you?? Will you dare to ?? huh ?? huh ??
What ?? you have better things to do ??

Oh yeah.. that’s what I thought too.. but then you see.. heights of joblessness… :) :)

Now Playing :Hai hukoo hai hukoo hai hai.. Ek ladki mere saamne.. Hai hukoo hai hukoo hai hai..!!!


  1. Darn....did I tell you I was discovered frozen next to her too?:-P

  2. @BB : No Kidding ??? really ??? then maybe you could tell us about what had happened then ?? :P

  3. interesting read really.....and you seems to be following her quite closely...isn't it???

  4. Aey!! Kya re!! Rakhi didi ko kuch nahi bolne ka! I will do voodoo on you!

    P.S:- Hai hukku hai hukku hai hai. Hit it! :D It's ben ages since I heard that song.

  5. I try my best not to get across miss Rakhi.....but alas :(...ok,I say PERIOD.

    Thumbs up for *hai hukku* :D
    I think you will make Devil's masterpiece if you can attempt on insane 90's songs...there are loads of them waiting for your touch :)

  6. Okay! You should SOOOOOOO publish this and get fan-rapped for your biography on Rakhi!!!

    Its super duper HIT already! Seriously dude...CHARGE ur readers for this one!!! HENCE FORTH that is! :P

  7. @Irfanuddin : oh.. Don't ask boss..!! BIG FAN..!!!! *pun intended*

    @MIDAS : Oh dude.. You don't even wanna know.. She is the reason why thinkers came up with ''ignorance is bliss'' quote.

  8. @spaceman spiff : oh jeejaass..!! You too phaan ho hamare rakhi ji ki ?? Same team.. Same team.. Fraands... Fraands..!! :p:D

    P.S. : yo.. Shake your baadie... Hai hukoo hai hukoo hai hai..!!
    *doin the obscene lookin tumka step*

    @Rohan : dude.. The 90s was the THE era of bollywood..!! From dhak dhak to huma huma...!! I ve a personal collection :p with the then famous Jhankar beats effect :D

  9. @Akila : hehehehehehe... :D thenk you.. Thenk you..!! Am glad ppl r liking it..!!
    *back to rakhi's fan's character* Naheeee... This is Blasphemy...!!! Don't you dare bring money into this girl...!! Charge money in the name of Rakhi ??? Noo.. Thats not happenin...wait a min.. Really ??? You think ppl wil pay the faking truth that sounds more real ?? Hmmm.. Ok.. Chalo nikalo sau rupaye...!! :p:p

  10. haha .. "she won the ugliest man tittle" .. xD
    i guess you a die hard fan :D

  11. This is a great blog so I'm following for more good posts like this stuff. There's nothing wrong with long posts either, especially if the content is good as it is in this blog. Keep up the good work.

  12. pwahahahaah SUPERRRRNICKKK only you are!!!
    Btw i dont know, i find her very amusing. I really like this female for her confidence ..NOTHING ELSE. Her 52 plastic surgery and what not has made her luk like a plastic. But i managed to watch an episode of AJAB DESH KI GAZB KAHANIYAN and i really liked her attitude (excluding the dressing part).
    I looooooved the Oranguttan similarity..and dinosaur..gahahahahahahahaha
    You rock man!

  13. @RV : hehehehehehe... Very big madam..!!! She is the man...!! :p
    thanks da.. Glad you enjoyed..!!

    @yeamieWaffles : hey there.. Welcome to the devil's workshop..!! Thanks for liking the blog.. I'll try and make sure you have a happy read each time you visit :)

  14. @RED : hahahahaahhaha... Thanks a bunch da...!! I rock ?? You saying that makes me feel like a rockstar already..!! :D ;)
    True... She has a like-I-Care attitude... In fact sheis the only one in the B town with that I guess.. :) lik her for that.. But I like her more for the funny thing she comes up with and gets so much of media attention for it...!!
    :) glad you enjoyed it.. Hope it was a stress buster in midst of all your exam tensions..!! Best of luck for the war ahead..!! :)
    take care..!!

  15. HAHAHAHA! That's really are her fan, eh?? ;p
    Nicely written...
    'Won the ugliest man contest', I loved this the most...LOL! :D

  16. @Manju : hehehehe :D fan ?? Not just a fan madam.. I am THE fan..!! :p thank you.. That ugliest man idea came when me n my sister once watching TV saw her and my sister commented ''she looks so manly'' for which i said ''ya..ugly one too'' :):)

  17. You had nothing in the world to think about apart from Rakhi Sawant???? :P

    The pictures are funny :D
    I can't stand her at all :P

    Where were you all these days ?? How did your tests go ?? :)

    Well.. I too dont like her madam.. but as I said.. kya kare.. Heights of Joblessness..!! :) :P

  19. hahahahahahaaaaaahahahahaaaaaaaahahahahahhhooooohooooo....amazing!!!
    :P ;)) :D =))

  20. @Chikki : :) :) :) Thanks Chikki..!! :D

  21. Oye Rakhi darling ke bar mein ulta shulta nahi bolne ka...wo hum striyo ke liye adarsh role model hai....'52 ways on how not to be a woman'...tumko kya lagta easy hai yeh job karna...hmp hmp...enough madness know? I'm in the phase as well making up rubbish words and proclaiming to the world that they are actually THE words that have got lost in today's stupid suit-boot society reading this Prithvi

  22. @DRAGON : Hey thanks da..I dint know you were a die hard fan as well.. We are in same team madam :D :D so PEACE..PEACE..!! :P

    And Shasaboeyyy is nothing.. gibberish.. heard it in kung fu panda while he fights..!! :D