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Thursday, 3 November 2011

sex is a bitch..!!!!


THIS IS A VERY ADULT WALA CONTENT WALA POST..!! THOSE BELOW 18 YEARS, PLEASE DONT READ ANY FURTHER. PARENTAL ADVISORY NEEDED CONTAINS EXPLICIT WORDS.



 But since this is internet and we all know that you are still reading this and will continue reading this, go ahead.. just dont make "am shocked" faces.

Its true.. SEX can be a bitch. Its fine when its down there but then if one doesn’t do the needful, it can rise up and start fucking with your mind.~ just a thought.

No, no, nothing is wrong with me. Trust me. Nor have I began reading those " discuss your seksual problems" columns in the newspapers, while pretending to be a person who strictly reads the morning paper. This stunning conclusion of mine was based on my friend who happened to be my "study subject." I knew this guy while I was studying in my engineering college.

Now you see, when you are in an engineering college, you tend to come across a wide variety of boys (and girls for that matter of fact.) whom you never in your wildest thought imagined to exist. One of my friends, hostel mate in fact was one such item piece. He used to carry out this I-DON’T-GIVE-AN-ARSE attitude to everybody especially to girls. He never shaved or combed his hair properly with an explanation that it brings the raw, brute and masculine side of him out. In short according to him he was playing the bad boy attitude which is said to be very appealing with girls (the hot and dumb ones) but in a very shabby manner. But he craved for girls attention more than the cravings a pregnant woman for i dont know..say chocolate ice cream.

If all of you think he was like the least popular guy of our college, read on. His computer was the porn library of the hostel. We even saw people from other college’s acquainting with him for porn. Such respect he commanded among the male community. In a guy’s world, porn is not JUST PORN. Guys and porn have a strange connection. We believe that porn is like a vast ocean and nobody can conquer it all. Even a porn addict wouldn’t have seen it all but the rumor in in our hostel was that this guy had done it. Though he would humbly disagree, we considered it to be his humility but he was a cult in pornographical proportions (just a figure of speech, don’t get ideas.)

Though I publically hated him and ignored his presence, we were good friends in hostel. It started with sharing of adjacent rooms but then slowly he took over my computer whenever he was running short of memory space. In the name of better use of technology for human amusements I did let him.  He took away my responsibility of updating my porn collection. whatever he had, I had. We frequently updated each other on cheap lines by exchanging some like “well, if you are a man and not thinking about Pu@#y then, you are not concentrating hard enough and the skirt optimism ratio” (That’s my all time favorite.) We shared mutual respect for one main reason. I respected him for his shear love and dedication towards porn. He hardly watched anything else apart from that. Ideally if you take 3 hours to watch a movie, no sex involved in that film, he would finish it in 3 minutes. Give him a movie with one good action in it and he would loop it up till he gets his hands out of the pants. (Am not making it up, he himself had said it once.) And he respected me for having a girlfriend. I had a girlfriend those days and he apparently did like me for being in a relationship. He said  for him it was liking watching a KJo movie. All drama and no action. There is always a hope when the hero and heroine come close and intimate but then there is this song that kills it type. One needs a lot of patience to stand it and he admired my patience with people.

I don’t know what went wrong or right for once in his life, but he went home for a vacation. His mother made sure he is all cleaned up and returns back in the most human form, attends the fresher’s party and well got laid. Actually, almost. Now he called up late at that night and that conversation went like this.

*Phone rings*
Me : *sleepy* bol bhai..!!
HIM: Dude, I need you now.
ME : Go fuck yourself dude. Am straight.
HIM : Nahi yaar, tu samaj nahi raha hai.. I need your help.
ME : To fuck yourself ?? *starts laughing*
HIM: BC, poori sunega..??  dekh.. yahan mera kuch scene bann ne wala hain.. ek ladki hain.. tanch maal hai yaar.. abhi main usko kuch senti bolu kya ???
ME: hmmmm… well.. agar bolna chata hain toh bol..!! par tu senti kyon bolna chata hain ??
HIM: ussee Rakhi bandwane ke liye saale.. abe "kuch scene hain" bola toh samjha nahi kya ??
ME : Sun chu*ye.. main teri basha nahi samajhta.. samjha?? aur BC agar kuch hone wala hain to tu phone pe meri need kyon haram kar raha hain be? Uspe chad na..!!
HIM : Abe har#$#@re, teri toh girlfriend hain, islye maine phone kiya.. tu kuch senti venti nahin bolta jis se teri.. you know.. tak dina din hua ?? *he giggles*
ME: abe sun BC, tu kya samjahta hain, har kisi ko teri tarah dimaag mein bas ek ki khayal hain kya??
HIM : hmmm.. point…tu kamina kuch hoga toh bhi nahi bolega..!! toh mein seedha chad hi jaata hoon..!! kal tyaar rehna bachoo.. points doonga.. notes bana lena...!! aage kaam aayega.
ME : Whatever man..Best of luck.. aur sun.. Balbhir pasha ko AIDS hoga kya ??
HIM : Nahi gaandu, balbhir pasha tayaar aaye hain..!! 
*we both do our evil laugh*
ME : chal ab sone de.
HIM : bye jaaneman..!! 
ME : abe uske liye bacha ke rakh nautanki..!!! *laugh again*
*phone disconnected*

next day was historic.

I never had laughed so much in my life. He had decided to talk to her in the beginning to you know ease up the tension and the talk went for long and the tension was so much eased it seems that when time came  nothing went straight..!!!!  If that was not frustrating and bad enough, the next day morning he woke up to find her gone with his wallet and rado watch...!!!!! :D :D Nobody who attended that party that night had any idea who she was or with whom she had come. Most of them thought she was with him since they were seen together for most of the eveningSeriously while he was whining about what happened, the only good thing was she was hot thief who just looted him and left his kidneys for himself. The fact that at least he touched some bases consoled him.

I had promised him that I would never ever tell what happened that night to anybody and so no name has been disclosed. 

Now why did I remember this today?? Because I was blocked and I was walking inside the supermarket, watching people and reading through various products when I saw a stack of condoms. I picked it up was reading through when a mother daughter duo saw me and the funny part was while the girl giggled looking at what was in my hand, the mother nodded her head in total despair. It was the same look of despair I used to give him during our unbelievably hilarious and top notch pervert conversations. Hence I remembered him.

I still remember him yelling , “BC saala.. yeh jo sex hai na sex.. saala yeh sex badi kutti cheez hain..!!” :D


Cheers..!!!
:)

17 comments:

  1. Awesome blog post. I don't know much about sex yet so I can't exactly say if it's a bitch or not haha! Great post regardless!

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  2. Ghahahahaahahahha Omg Omg! Poor that guy man. Poor tht guy. I want to write a post on something really bad but I am not sure I shud. :/ Really bad it is. Post sex shit. Gaaah!
    Hhaah the good part is, I knew all the bad words tht guy and you said. Me so awesome!
    Okie on a serious note. ROFLMAO post

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  3. Bad words= the swear words used during the convo. The one u used stars n stuff

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  4. Perverted convo's are always funny,' Jai Ho' to them. Howler this one was, absolute howler.

    The efforts taken by this gentleman to collect porn seem painstaking, RESPECTTT.

    I too had an acquaintance who pulled something like this in his time in college. We called him 'CD-Man' and he used to talk as if he was the Quality Head of the porn industry; ' Only HD quality, no less' was his punchline.

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  5. Bwwahahahaha poor fellow...had to get satisfaction from getting to the bases...lol..so agle din u shd've said gimme notes man :D .. haha anyway the convo was super funny man.. And yes I understood EVERYTHING :D .. I can imagine the look the lady had when she saw you .. haha .. :P nad kids these days naa... i tell u ;)

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  6. By far the best! LOL pure awesomeness :D

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  7. I have never understood what is with you guys and porn!!! Never...given up. Dude you said you were busy with some thing at coll (I can't rem what it was for the love of God) and what the hell were you doing at the condom section!!!! TCH TCH...I'm also giving you that aunty look now :P...you've had some fun times at coll dude :D....I'm so J...mine was quite boring.

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  8. @DIGS : heheheheehhehhe :) its complicated i must say :) and about what I was doing at the condom section was chumma reading through stuffs kept at the supermarket. Condom packs have funny instructions all over it :D and well.. college life was sometime that was nice but hostel life and pranks were memorable :) :)

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  9. @VJ : thanks da :) :)

    @RV : hehehhehehehehe well..with us actually convo is always fun if you see in a way :)

    @CS : hehehehhehehhe nopes.. he was quite in his own problems of what he will say to his parents about the rado watch..!! but I did have my share of you know.. jale pe namak :D

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  10. @AS : ROTFL..!! HD quality and nothing else ?? I laughed big time on that !! hahahhahaaha guess all engineering colleges have distributed specimens evenly in all department of weirdness..!! :D :D

    @RED : thanks da :) and HEADDESK at you your second comment..!! I was kidding when i tweeted that..!! not your fault, but my jokes aren't quite the LOL types.. in fact they can quite communicate my mantally the sick nature :D :P

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  11. @YammieWaffles : thanks a bunch bud :) glad you liked it :)

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  12. You know what you should do? You should explain to us girls what it is with men and porn. Also, what is it about girl on girl that you love so much:D

    That said, I feel so sorry for your man:P Girlkind purogamikyunnu :D

    And the convo was something straight out of Delhi Belly for me, only funnier:P

    Epic post man:P Sammadichu..

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  13. And I also understood the asteriskedwala words:D How cool am I:P

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  14. HMM...welll...hmmm....wat can I say??? ...hmmm :P

    ........


    I WANT TO PHOTOSHOOT HIM !!!!!!!!! :D

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  15. @PV : Oh saghave..!! your coolness quotient is too cool to explain..!! hehhehehehehehe :) thanks da..!! sure I will write a post out of it..!! :)

    @Akila : we are no longer in touch da..!! we dont talk to each other now. so am sorry :) otherwise i am sure he would have loved to pose for you :)

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  16. hahahahahahahahahahah :P I just had to comment on this :P
    Khud ko itni nice light main bataya hai , mr seedha sada hmmmmm :P

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shasaboeyyyyy...!!!!!