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Sunday, 19 February 2012

It's a Women's World

Dear Ladies and Genitals.
 Please do not read this post trying to figure something out. I for in all my seriousness  dint give a single thought seriously while writing this. This is supposed to be like those David Dawan (for the Bollywood Sorry, Hindi Film Industry (bleh) freaks) or Jim Carry (for Hollywood lovers)  Movies where you need to keep your mind switch off. Sorry if anybody is offended. But somehow I have a strong feeling that not many would make it to the end of  this post. So, lets see.. Women readers who find jokes on women rude please stop reading after this point.

A quick question.
Did anyone of you have a near death experience?? like ever ??
I mean they say when you are about to die, your whole life comes flashing in front of you.
Now whoever "THEY" are... who said these things are... well they are wrong.

Trust me. Its not ones life that comes flashing right in front of the eyes. Its a whole big set of Flashing headlights that comes instead, with a huge car honking at you.
Yup, It was a big SUV at "Riding-to-hell" speed, that came up with a life deciding moment for me with a question what next ??
And I very politely decided not to challenge the laws of physics and act like a superhero that I proclaim to be. Instead I took two steps back and let the busy guy pass to where ever he was heading to in such a hurry.
It was then, it struck me that there were so many things I had to do rather be an example for others as "whats happens if you dont watch the road and cross."

One of those things was write.

Now I have been writing, that is if I can take the luxury of calling my edition of old posts as writing.
Lately, I was feeling that my posts have been very serious. Either I am in love, or being hated or being alone brooding or something else. It felt as if i had lost my sarcasm and funny bone somewhere. So I decided to give it another shot. By trying some forced humor. Now many of my friends stared at me as if I had gone nuts when I tried being funny. Lets accept that, if you watch Russell peters for that "boost" to crack jokes, you end up abusing people... which most of them dont quite take it as good humor or wit.
So, I am not trying the same thing here and give you all a reason to unfollow me.

So, How have you all been ?? I never asked any of you how your Valentine's day went ??
Dont bother to answer, no answer is good enough for that question. (Unless you ended up with a threesome.) Is it only me or did anybody actually notice that Valentine's day actually falls exactly in the mid of the month, on 14th. (yes my smart reader, consider the month has only 28 days and stop giving that "what-about-the-leap-year" look? ) Now that's the only smart finding that I could come upon with in the first half of the month.
February has a special charm when you are working. Less days of work but the pay remains the same. but if you are in college like me, it shouldn't make much of a difference.
I lately have been very lazy to come online and write something. If I could talk, I could go on and on what I want to write but sitting in front of my laptop and type, god that thought alone was tiring me up. So, how did I manage it today. Thanks to Red Bull, I cant sleep and here I am, trying to type the first nonsense that comes out of my mind.

*Blank here for 15 minutes*

*still staring at the curser blink*

By the way, did you know, that Suck is Fuck with S in the beginning ???? and S is also the beginning of the word Sex which involves Fuck..!!! So Coincidence ?? I dont think so..!!!
(Nopes, not original, its from friends, remember Poker is Joker with P in the beginning line ?? a cheap try I know. I am sorry.)

*Still Blank*

*A nude girl wallpaper floating on my mind as screensaver*

*tapping the keyword resulting in artjssrsgxbv n fyulduludd yue6ke6uldcgsmtd and backspace them all*

how about write something about women?? I mean that should catch some eye???
Did it occur to anybody that we live in a woman's world ???
If yes, then shut up and let me speak.
If No, then here is my view.
We live in a Woman's world.
*pause to think again. hard*

I mean think about it. they have us men believe that we are the oppressors. Nothing in this world happens according to what we want or how we want but still, we end up at the receiving end.
For example. if a women talks about the rights of other women, on how equal to men they are, how in fact superior they are, they are called Feminists. But in case any man goes about talking how men are ultimate in all that they do, they are termed Sexist. I mean, dont you see how offensive that sounds ???
When a woman calls a man "YOU ARE A SEXIST", it immediately puts a picture of a cruel man belting a helpless woman. Now the question, who do you think would have come up with such a word ?? Not men of course..!!! We wouldn't choose something that puts us in bad light.We proposed the term lust. you changed the term into Love. You came up with "The Spark" as an idea of falling in love. We chose to use that as a means to get out of love. Since you never bothered to listen or pay much attention to our version, we chose not to break the little bubble for you and let you dream. That's how caring we are, but complain..!! Well the problem is that, even though the word got changed, we never could change the meaning of what it meant inside our head.
They have us charged guilty while all we can think is porn. (which surprisingly has a lotta women in them. More the better. ) but they dont see how we much of our thought process is occupied with them. I mean the threesome is every man's ultimate fantasy. Doing it with TWO women. See, that's how much importance and thought men have actually put into this. Given a chance, we do want this to be real. But how much do women care ??? They would shoo away any guy unless he is rich,smart,sensitive,funny,caring,blah blah blah, friendly, patient,more blah blah blah, and loving in nature. Now we all know that its not true. because such a man doesn't exist. I mean its hard for us to think straight with a tent down our pants. blood needs to flow into the brain for any person to think and face it women, there isn't enough blood in our body to manage a decent erection as well as run through the brain and say the right thing you want to hear.
We appreciate beauty in all forms. We appreciate beautiful women. unfortunately little do they realize that their beauty is not all concentrated on their face. We love the curves. We could spend all day staring at those boobies or beautifully shaped butts, but how do they respond ? They are offended..!! and for what reason ?? that their face isn't getting all the attention!!! Talk about being fair..!!! We dont complain if they managed to look down and around us. Do it and lets return the favor back..!!! But they are a hard kind to please.
They ask question for which there isn't a specific answer. Not even they can answer them with certainty. None of their questions are objective type and all of it carry negative markings which reduce our chance of *using more polite words* shaking the bed with them. There is never a practice run. We are to jump in for the first time and knock it away to glory..!!! Imagine the pressure on us and then we get blamed that we have nothing else in our mind.

Myth : there is a perfect guy for every girl.
Fact : with the girl-boy ratio, nopes, there isn't.

Out of my own experience let me tell you this.
My ex girl friend say A arranges for a surprise birthday party of which I came to know through one of her female friends.(talk about keeping secrets. For the kind which generates a lotta news in pretext of secret, there are awfully bad at keeping them). I go the party, act surprised. More surprised was that she had invited one of her female friends, say B whom I dint at all. So I ask her why did she do that and she says that she is a nice person once I get to know her. Now I, trying to be a nice boyfriend, try and talk nicely with B. This B walks up to my ex A and says that I reminded her of her ex boyfriend C. Now my ex is furious. Not at B, but at me. It seems I was flirting with B and thus started her famous crying marathon. Now I, who dint even like this girl B on the first place, end up convincing my ex that I seriously dont like her and wasn't even remotely flirting with her. So the second session started as to how in spite of her attempts, I am making no attempts of being nice to her friends...!!! I spent the remaining part of the evening trying to keep a calm face, consoling her and avoiding all people at the party who were giving me that "you-dirty-little-ungrateful-pig" look. A memorable birthday of my life ladies and gentlemen..!!!

There is never a perfect match. No perfect guy for any girl out there. A girl needs to goes through a series of check marks on her check list and approval of her friends to decide if that's the guy for her. Give the man the best sex of his life and promise him more, there. He has found his soul mate. We never question much. Now that's a problem according to women. but they forget that it was their curiosity that made them eat the forbidden apple which drove god crazy and shooed both man and woman out of the Eden garden. Dint it strike to the devil who tempted woman to actually tempt man instead. It sure did. But he knew. We are simple. Tell us something and we are happy with it. We dont feel the need to probe further into it and question its credibility. And here we are, with a rib-bone less* and loads of blames and less of much hyped and hoped meaning-less sex, trying to find a place in their world.

So girls, give the poor guy a break. Offer to spend a little for him. Hell, spend a lot on him instead. Take him on a date and make him feel comfortable. Let him stare at those sexy chicks in those skinny and tight out fits. Be a sport and point him some good ones. Suggest movies with lots of action and sex in them. Go to the movies with him and please let him watch the movie. Watch the movie yourself. Ask him what he wants and if he doesn't say, looks for the signs instead. Trust me its not hard to notice the bulge in his pants..!! Follow these simple steps and you have got yourself the man of your dreams. If not then, be happy because he has found the women of his dreams..!!

yup that's pretty much I have got.

*According to the bible,God used man's rib bone to create women. #facepalm..!!!!

Now if you have skipped all through the above and reached this point, let me just paraphrase it all to you..
Its a women's world. Hate it or like it. You are in it.

P.S : No hard feeling to my female readers, this was all supposed to be in good humor.
P.P.S : Save me of the hate comments, I respect all females. And yes, I do have a sister and mother at home. They are all doing well. Thank you.
P.P.S.S : Those who couldn't find anything funny in this and found it very rude, am extremely sorry, you should have stopped reading as soon as I warned you. But since you still did, It just proves my point of how curious women can be. :P



  1. Just want to add -

    If a girl is in love, her parents ask "Who is that idiot?"

    If a boy is in love his parents ask,"Idiot, who is that girl?"

    MORAL of the story: No matter whoever is madly in love - boys are always idiots and yet we are called Male Chauvinists, Funny World.

    1. Well, corrections my wise friend, Not Just Male chauvinists.. its Male Chauvinists PIG that they call us..!!!! :P
      and so true.. we are the effing idiots.. aren't we ?? ;)

  2. Awesome stuff man, I actually agree with all the points you make here. We are women conscripted and dominated, but I guess it is just the way of the world as you've said.

    1. Hey Matt, as I said earlier.. its their world.. like it or hate it.. but you are in it..!!!

  3. oo teri!! Yippeeee! Its a woman's world....Its my world....and Hey all you men....what about the rent you owe us for staying in our world??? and about the post hahahahahaha and more hahahahaha (sorry, couldn't help)loved the P.S, P.P.S, P.P.S.S. This post reminds me of the famous clip from 'Pyar ka punchnama' this is hilarious. My man agreed to everything(he LOVED it) and he agreed because my man happens to be my husband too but in marriage, a woman is the HUSBAND (because she is the decision maker, boss, God, Rajnikant and evrything else) and she is the wife because, umm....she is a woman! So who is the google and let us women know.See...That is why Its a women's world!(no offence to the menkind :P)
    I don't know if this comment makes sense but I completely forgot because of laughing for the next 15 minutes after reading this...more hahahahahaha

    1. Oh teri...!!! Wow.. A female comment....!!! I was thinkin i pulled the last straw at pissin people especially my female readers with this post...!!! Thank you so much and a *hmm.. N a pat on the back* for your husband..!!! :D am so glad that you could actually See through the sarcasm that we men are pretty lost and lame when compared to women...!! Also very much glad that you liked the post...!! Thank you so much...!! :):):)

      and yup.. Here *hug* this is my rent for being in your world... Now run along and make other females jealous...!!!! :p hehehehe take care :)

  4. oooo teri again!! Such a long comment!

    1. Hey CD... Don't you worry at all... The comment section is absolutely free.. So feel free to express yourself... Hell go ahead and write an entire blog post itself here.. I won't mind :):)

  5. hahahhahhahhaha....
    challo now since this is proved all we need to do is make the brutal Shiva Sainiks who beat the females out of the pubs, the rapists, and the domestic voilence contributors, the substantial population who contribute to female infanticide, and the sexist egoistic male chauvinistic pigs to believe that. :)

    I like how this post came from a guy, and is maybe helping a little in saving the world but also, since we need to get working on fixing the notion into people's head, it makes me feel weak. How I wish I belonged to the gender where I was the one helping men,by giving them a seat, and maybe saving them from letching women from eve-teasing, alas that is not happening in this life.

    1. hahahahahha Thanks a bunch Tangerine..!!! am so glad that you liked it..!!! It was jus a funny take on the way the things are.. well, change is inevitable.. if you wish for it.. go ahead and do it. Give a seat to the man.. letch at guys.. save him from eve-teasing.. am sure he will be grateful in all these said places :P hehehehehhe

  6. Man, you are back :)
    Keep staring at your screen saver, cause you ain't gonna get chicks like that which float on your screen :P
    It is a girl's word. And you can't help it. So you better behave and be a good pet dog :P

    I'll tackle you personally ;)
    overall, it was a good funny read :) Was good to read something different from you after so long :D

    1. Look at you... I jus wrote something stating its a women's world and you already are gearing up for tackling me and asking me to be a good pet dog ???? no wonder men never let it out in the past :P take that women..!! hehehehehehehe

  7. Ok I will back you up for this one...even thought its against my gender. I will be doing this only because of one thing "THE BIRTHDAY PARA"
    Hhahahah I have done this to my guy :P