sex is a bitch..!!!!

THIS IS A VERY ADULT WALA CONTENT WALA POST..!! THOSE BELOW 18 YEARS, PLEASE DONT READ ANY FURTHER. PARENTAL ADVISORY NEEDED CONTAINS EXPLICIT WORDS.

 But since this is internet and we all know that you are still reading this and will continue reading this, go ahead.. just dont make "am shocked" faces.

Its true.. SEX can be a bitch. Its fine when its down there but then if one doesn’t do the needful, it can rise up and start fucking with your mind.~ just a thought.

No, no, nothing is wrong with me. Trust me. Nor have I began reading those " discuss your seksual problems" columns in the newspapers, while pretending to be a person who strictly reads the morning paper. This stunning conclusion of mine was based on my friend who happened to be my "study subject." I knew this guy while I was studying in my engineering college.

Now you see, when you are in an engineering college, you tend to come across a wide variety of boys (and girls for that matter of fact.) whom you never in your wildest thought imagined to exist. One of my friends, hostel mate in fact was one such item piece. He used to carry out this I-DON’T-GIVE-AN-ARSE attitude to everybody especially to girls. He never shaved or combed his hair properly with an explanation that it brings the raw, brute and masculine side of him out. In short according to him he was playing the bad boy attitude which is said to be very appealing with girls (the hot and dumb ones) but in a very shabby manner. But he craved for girls attention more than the cravings a pregnant woman for i dont know..say chocolate ice cream.

If all of you think he was like the least popular guy of our college, read on. His computer was the porn library of the hostel. We even saw people from other college’s acquainting with him for porn. Such respect he commanded among the male community. In a guy’s world, porn is not JUST PORN. Guys and porn have a strange connection. We believe that porn is like a vast ocean and nobody can conquer it all. Even a porn addict wouldn’t have seen it all but the rumor in in our hostel was that this guy had done it. Though he would humbly disagree, we considered it to be his humility but he was a cult in pornographical proportions (just a figure of speech, don’t get ideas.)

Though I publically hated him and ignored his presence, we were good friends in hostel. It started with sharing of adjacent rooms but then slowly he took over my computer whenever he was running short of memory space. In the name of better use of technology for human amusements I did let him.  He took away my responsibility of updating my porn collection. whatever he had, I had. We frequently updated each other on cheap lines by exchanging some like “well, if you are a man and not thinking about Pu@#y then, you are not concentrating hard enough and the skirt optimism ratio” (That’s my all time favorite.) We shared mutual respect for one main reason. I respected him for his shear love and dedication towards porn. He hardly watched anything else apart from that. Ideally if you take 3 hours to watch a movie, no sex involved in that film, he would finish it in 3 minutes. Give him a movie with one good action in it and he would loop it up till he gets his hands out of the pants. (Am not making it up, he himself had said it once.) And he respected me for having a girlfriend. I had a girlfriend those days and he apparently did like me for being in a relationship. He said  for him it was liking watching a KJo movie. All drama and no action. There is always a hope when the hero and heroine come close and intimate but then there is this song that kills it type. One needs a lot of patience to stand it and he admired my patience with people.

I don’t know what went wrong or right for once in his life, but he went home for a vacation. His mother made sure he is all cleaned up and returns back in the most human form, attends the fresher’s party and well got laid. Actually, almost. Now he called up late at that night and that conversation went like this.

*Phone rings*

Me : *sleepy* bol bhai..!!

HIM: Dude, I need you now.

ME : Go fuck yourself dude. Am straight.

HIM : Nahi yaar, tu samaj nahi raha hai.. I need your help.

ME : To fuck yourself ?? *starts laughing*

HIM: BC, poori sunega..??  dekh.. yahan mera kuch scene bann ne wala hain.. ek ladki hain.. tanch maal hai yaar.. abhi main usko kuch senti bolu kya ???

ME: hmmmm… well.. agar bolna chata hain toh bol..!! par tu senti kyon bolna chata hain ??

HIM: ussee Rakhi bandwane ke liye saale.. abe "kuch scene hain" bola toh samjha nahi kya ??

ME : Sun chu*ye.. main teri basha nahi samajhta.. samjha?? aur BC agar kuch hone wala hain to tu phone pe meri need kyon haram kar raha hain be? Uspe chad na..!!

HIM : Abe har#$#@re, teri toh girlfriend hain, islye maine phone kiya.. tu kuch senti venti nahin bolta jis se teri.. you know.. tak dina din hua ?? *he giggles*

ME: abe sun BC, tu kya samjahta hain, har kisi ko teri tarah dimaag mein bas ek ki khayal hain kya??

HIM : hmmm.. point…tu kamina kuch hoga toh bhi nahi bolega..!! toh mein seedha chad hi jaata hoon..!! kal tyaar rehna bachoo.. points doonga.. notes bana lena...!! aage kaam aayega.

ME : Whatever man..Best of luck.. aur sun.. Balbhir pasha ko AIDS hoga kya ??

HIM : Nahi gaandu, balbhir pasha tayaar aaye hain..!! 

*we both do our evil laugh*

ME : chal ab sone de.

HIM : bye jaaneman..!! 

ME : abe uske liye bacha ke rakh nautanki..!!! *laugh again*

*phone disconnected*

next day was historic.

I never had laughed so much in my life. He had decided to talk to her in the beginning to you know ease up the tension and the talk went for long and the tension was so much eased it seems that when time came  nothing went straight..!!!!  If that was not frustrating and bad enough, the next day morning he woke up to find her gone with his wallet and rado watch...!!!!! :D :D Nobody who attended that party that night had any idea who she was or with whom she had come. Most of them thought she was with him since they were seen together for most of the evening. Seriously while he was whining about what happened, the only good thing was she was hot thief who just looted him and left his kidneys for himself. The fact that at least he touched some bases consoled him.

I had promised him that I would never ever tell what happened that night to anybody and so no name has been disclosed. 

Now why did I remember this today?? Because I was blocked and I was walking inside the supermarket, watching people and reading through various products when I saw a stack of condoms. I picked it up was reading through when a mother daughter duo saw me and the funny part was while the girl giggled looking at what was in my hand, the mother nodded her head in total despair. It was the same look of despair I used to give him during our unbelievably hilarious and top notch pervert conversations. Hence I remembered him.

I still remember him yelling , “BC saala.. yeh jo sex hai na sex.. saala yeh sex badi kutti cheez hain..!!” :D

Cheers..!!!

:)