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THIS IS A LONG POST. I PROMISE THIS IS A TRUE INCIDENT..!!! BREAD PAKODE KI KASAM..!!!

I got a call from my mother asking me to come over to Calicut and spend the weekend with them. Now it’s had been quite a while that I had been home. Don’t get me wrong I had been busy. But since I was having a bad week, I thought a bit of my crazy family could cheer me up. Hence I packed my bags and left to Calicut the next day.

Now when I reached the bus stand, I came to know that it was a hartal in kerala that day and that life would be back to normal after 6.00 PM. The bus was already full. but in a bizzare chain of events, another bus that was empty and seemed to leave earlier than this one came and half of the crowd got into that bus and as a result I got a place to sit. As soon as people left the bus, our bus started moving. Now, there was a person sitting on the window side and I so so wanted to exchange seats with him but I knew he wouldn’t agree.  So I played my trick on him. I pretended to have a lousy digestive system and that I was feeling pukeish..!! he immediately offered me the window seat and viola.. I was feeling better again.*EVIL GRIN* hehehehehheehhehe 

Now I don’t like talking to people on bus. But instead I love observing them. So as usual to avoid any talks I plugged in my noise cancellers into my ears and opened a book to read. ( I always read when I am travelling. Best way to avoid conversations as you dive back to book and they would get the point that you are not interested.) I don’t know when but the sitting next to me got down at some point and somebody else had taken his place. This man was decently dressed. A bag that looked old and that he has been travelling since ages, neatly combed curly hair and a moustache. I noticed him when the bus stopped for tea. He smiled at me and I smiled back. He seemed a nice guy. Smile means no harm. Or so I thought.

He sat in the table next to me inside the hotel and smiled at me whenever we saw each other. I focused on my parota and egg curry to avoid this smile smile game. Had my tea in king size glass (beauty of going to a Kerala restaurant :D ) and landed back on my seat. This guy came and sat next to me. I was on phone talking to my mother explaining my current location, direction of the bus, my seat number, number of people on the bus, and so on. You know how mothers are. They wanna know everything. I dropped the call and saw that this guy was staring at me. I smiled back and he smiled back at me.( now for the nth time). “girlfriend??” he asked me. I was shocked. “no..!! mother” I replied back. “you know how mothers can be right?” I casually asked and he was like “oh, no, my mother never doubted me. She trusts me. All mothers do. This sounded like my girlfriend. She never trusts me. Was that your girlfriend ?” he asked again. I thought he was trying to be funny but he had a dead cold seriousness on his face. “I told you. NO. THAT WAS MY MOTHER.” I replied in a stern voice and began to look outside. He paused for a minute and chuckled. I tried not to look at him to avoid another conversation. He chuckled again and this time was taping my shoulders as if he was trying to call me. I turned towards him

Him : “Your mother reminded me of my girlfriend, funny na??” and I lost it.

I barked back  : “what nonsense man? What do you mean?”

Him “No, no, I am saying my girlfriend is as caring as a mother is. Am lucky. Don’t you think? I have a girlfriend who loves me just like a mother loves her child.”

 That made me understand one thing that there was something wrong with this guy. I smiled wide and looked outside. He tapped on my shoulder again

Him : “where does this bus go?”

Me : no idea.

Him : toh get idea sirji and breaks into laughter.

I stare at him and he asks again

Him : where are you going ?

Me : havent you taken your ticket yet ?

Him : yes, I did. I am very prompt that way.

Me : and you got the ticket to where you are going ?

Him : oh ya.. Kalpetta. Why do you ask ??

Me : No, if you are on a bus that goes to a place where you are going, why on earth are you interested in where this bus or I am going ??

Him : you are not a friendly person are you ?

ME : *sarcastically* oh no, why did you feel like that? DONT YOU SEE MY FRIENDLY SIDE WHEN I AM RESPONDING BACK TO YOU..??

Him : No, no, I felt that. You sounded like you were being rude. I am sorry I dint mean to hurt you. my fault. You are a nice guy *smiles back*

Me : *KILL ME NOW* smile back and puts the ear phones and dives back into the book.

I was reading this book THE DAY MY BUTT WENT PSYCHO.  I was about to flip the page when he stopped me. it seems he was reading along with me. now I was at 6^th chapter and 1/2 of the book was done and this guy is reading from RIGHT there, asking me to wait up while am about to turn the page, he catches up and then taps my hand to flip the page. This process happened for 3 times when I closed the book and gave it to him.

Him : For me ?? *smiles wide*

Me : read. I will read once I reach my home.

Him : oh, but I can’t finish this book so soon.

Me : *sarcastically* don’t say that, you can try.

Him : Okay. *continues reading*

Me : FACEPALM.

5 minutes later

Him : I am not understanding many things what is happening here.

Me : oh, maybe that’s because you are reading it from the middle. Ideally one starts the book from the first page.

Him :oh..*laughs* you re funny. No, I just lost interest. Is this a good book ?

Me : I don’t know I haven’t read it you see.

Him : oh, hmmm..!!

5 minutes later

Him : this is crap.

Me : huh ?

Him : *told me how the book ends* (am not typing it in case anybody wants to read it.)

Me : ohh.. I was planning to read it..!! chuck it anyways.

Him : see, I saved so much your time. *laughs* actually it’s there in the last few pages. Begins to Read that portion loudly.

Me : *nods head* *puts on my noise cancellers and turns up the volume*

KILL ME NOW..!!! 

Long pause. No talking. He slept off.

Suddenly there is a tap on my shoulder again.

Him : ladies are standing. We should get up right ??

Me : you do if you want. I have a cramp in my leg, I can’t stand. *oh me acting acting*

He gets up and offers his seat to the girl standing. She is pretty and I stay put. :) Suddenly he taps my shoulder again

Him : the girl must be uncomfortable. Why don’t you stand and offer your seat to the other lady here ??

He was loud and that turn a few attention.

Me : I told you mister, I have a cramp in my leg and a long distance to travel.

Him : but they will be getting down at the next stop.

The pretty girl nods. I knew he wouldn’t stop till I get up. So I got up and offered MY seat to another lady standing.

Him : we are Men..!! We can stand pain..!! you will be fine. *laughs*

Next stop arrived. The pretty girl got up and left. The other woman offers MY seat to him. Am still standing not able to digest what just happened. The lady totally refused me sitting in MY place and offers it to the seat crusader who fought for her and this Dickhead immediately took it and got into an instant conversation with her.

Me : excuse me, can I sit ??  My leg is really hurting.

Him : sorry. Yours was the window seat. The lady is sitting on the window side. How can you ask me to ask her to get up?

Me : but I am asking you to offer me your seat.

Him : *laughs* and how do you expect me to travel?? I too have taken ticket mister.

Me : but I have a sprain in my leg and yet I offered the seat for the lady and YOU said it was only till the next stop..!! so please get up now.

Him : if I am to offer my seat to everybody else, why bother catching one huh ?? Not happening mister.

Him :*to the people who were looking at us and our small argument now* look at him. He wants me to give him my seat. *laughs* *some idiots join the laugh*

People gave me all sorts of look. Some sympathetic, some those tch tch ones. In the end I was standing all the way. He got down at Kalpetta and before getting down had successfully struck a chord with the ladies standing around him. In fact he gave up his seat again while his stop was approaching.

And that’s was one trip where I had a seat which I (in)voluntarily gave up to stand all the way..!!! by the time I reached home half the passenger passing through had stamped over me my legs were aching now for REAL. :|

P.S : I reached home and explained it to my mother who found HIM very interesting. She was offended how I dint offer my seat at the first place.

P.P.S : Next time people, please try the sleeping trick. works always. worked on my way back. nobody wakes up a sleeping person to talk or ask to offer seats.