Midnight Diaries

Its been a long day. It seems like its gonna be a long night as well.

Some times I wonder if it was karma ? but then I am not sure or maybe now I dont care. Whatever name it has, it seemed like it came back for me with vengeance.

I actually have never been a philosophical kinda guy.. Or that's what I would like to believe.  I sit in my room where now, I live alone. I found a strange solace in being alone after she dumped me. I was watching the street light scatter in my room through the window. There was silence all around. 
The dark room had a lonely guy in the corner watching the light on his wall. 
The door to my balcony was swinging slowly deciding hard if it should stay closed or fling open. Meanwhile the cool breeze playing with the door was slowly flowing in. 

The room was in abundance with darkness. I still sat there with my gaze stuck on the light and staring at some weird shadows of insects outside my window. I would never accept this but I missed her. Everyday every minute every second. She was in my mind. I got used to stay in the dark because the room reminded me of her. Her stuffs scattered all over the house. Her bag on the cupboard hook, our chairs, corners with pizza cartons, everything. And I had started to constantly say.. ''I moved on'' each time anything reminded me of her. At one point I grew so tired that I stopped saying anything at all. No things to pacify myself.. No hate speeches.. Or anything, that seemed like my attempt to get over it.

I just had began to stare in the emptiness.. 

Just looking at it,without a word out............. 

Come lay beside me, this won't hurt I swear
She loves me not, she loves me still, but she'll never love again
She lay beside me, but she'll be there when I'm gone
Black heart scarring darker still, yes she'll be there when I'm gone
Yes, she'll be there when I'm gone
Dead sure she'll be there!


What I've felt, what I've known
Turn the pages, turn the stone
Behind the door, should I open it for you?


What I've felt, what I've known
Sick and tired, I stand alone
Could you be there?, 'cause I'm the one who waits for you
Or are you unforgiven too?

NOW PLAYING : Unforgiven II by Metallica

P.S : I took Confused Soul's advice.. Posting some of my drafts.. So yup, this was written long ago and nope am not going through a heart break.  Hope you all liked it though its a bit incomplete. Well not everything in life ends does it ?? :) :)

P.P.S : Sorry for wishing you all so late but Wish you all a very Happy and Prosperous New year ahead...!!!! god bless you all..!!!

P.P.S.S : I hope to be more active in the blogosphere at least from next year.. if not writing wise then at least reading and commenting on your posts. Am sorry to all whose posts I have missed. Trust me none was intentional and I miss reading them too.

And I wonder...

I wonder what

will I say....

I think puffing

my last smoke of the day..

Rattling the thoughts

in my heart and mind,

its only you,

that I always find...

I prepare myself

like am writing some kind of test,

to make you realize

that,for you, I am indeed the best.

Please tell me,

how can I make you see..

that with you

am so always me...

my words have always been

honest and my love very true,

even your picture on facebook,

now feels so new :)

Not denying any fact

though seems so very odd,

I often think of you often,

more than the angles think of their god

Asking myself

if will I ever say ??

I pacify myself

that maybe tomorrow is the day

what will you reply

there is no idea at least,

my chances feels so less,

because you are the beauty and am the beast

everyman has something to hide

is a fact so true,

but somebody please explain me,

why I hide my love from you ?

you are too sweet of a person,

a very good friend to loose

maybe that's the reason

not telling you this is what I choose

but without you

the world is lonelier than it seem

wish my words would make

you wanna give me a chance to redeem...!!!

I hear your voice now, 

all night long..

and I cant stop myself from singing your favorite song,,,


"I would call you up every Saturday night
And we both stayed out 'til the morning light
And we sang, "Here we go again"
And though time goes by
I will always be
In a club with you
In 1973
Singing "Here we go again"




#Now Playing : 1973 by James blunt :)

S.M.S - Save My Soul.

Its been a long wait. more than a year. and still.. I wait...

somewhere deep inside, I feel like Tom hanks of Cast Away.

lost on a lonely island and waiting everyday for help, while trying hopelessly to survive. The feeling arises from inside, the exact source though is still unknown but there are lots of noises inside.

I close my eyes trying to picturize myself in terms any other than my human form and the only scene that comes up is of that of a bird in a cage. Everyday, every moment looking at the blue sky outside and hoping that the owner, someday will forget to latch the cage doors and I shall take off to scale the far and wide lengths of the eternally never ending sky. That I shall prove it, that the wide spread blue umbrella above is just small for my petite wings and it still holds the will of conquering it. But even if someday I find that the doors is unlocked by mistake. I wont fly...!!!

Am no jonathan swift "seagull" wanting to master the art of flight. Am just me, waiting for my turn to fly. Waiting at my ending for "that" miracle that sets me free. I agree that my hopes are getting decayed with the everyday slogged routine that most of us now term as life. So many words struggle to make their way out but never survive. This feeling of implosion is something now am used to and losing what I ever wanted now seems inevitable. But deep inside I still intend to challenge the boundaries and limitations that is set aside. I still cant  accept the fact that my life will be governed by these set of rules. Rules none of which I ever made. It might seem that my attempts to escape is feable or near to none, the reason being that, I dont want my freedom, my life to be given as some charity. I want what is mine with all the respect that it deserves and so I decided that I wont escape if ever my only shot at my freedom was a somebody's mistake. Something that otherwise would never have happened. But somewhere deep inside am scared, will it ever happen? Am hopeless, still beliving the fact that a miracle will rescue me or atleast show me that its always worth the wait.

The door is still locked and I still look at the sky. 

its been more than a year now.. and am still waiting... with my soul tarterd but.. waiting...!!!

*****************************************************
P.S : This is a very old piece. One I had written quiet long back. Just never had posted it. With so many boxed up dreams and wishes I still wondering if anything has changed over the years.
P.P.S : Hope everybody had a wonderful Christmas..!! AM sorry, I dint wish any but I did pray for all of you.
P.P.S.S : With the new year approaching fast, hope new year resolutions are being jotted on. I just hope I reach 50 followers mark before the year ends :) So keeping a wide eye open for my 50th follower :)

Cheers..!!!


********************************************************

Shooting Star..!!!!!

In the dark sky,

half past ten

sitting outside alone was when,

i suddenly saw a shooting star,

falling from the heaven so far.

quickly i closed my eyes

and made my wish,

mumbling it all

i looked like "Romeo" my gold fish

and then i wondered,

if those ever brought luck,love or anything at all.

after all they are matters from space

that had a fall.

confused and lost,

was trying to solve this mystery

i quickly messaged you asking for details,

tips, more info or any piece of history.

jotting all of them was

when i heard my message beep...

it was your good nite message

with a punch line.. SHUT UP AND SLEEP..!!! :)

Fibonacci Sonnet : Kolaveri di..!!

Okie dokie.. so this post is utter crap.. this idea stuck in my mind while I was studying for my exams. One of the many creative epiphany I had for my blogs. Combining the spoof of now famous Kolaveri song and the Fibonacci sonnet concept..!! Hope you like it.

Song_u

Songer_u

correction Singer_u

Sooper mama ready ??

everybody sing_u kolaveri kolaveri di

Reapeat sing_u why this kolaveri kolaveri kolaveri di ?

handula book_u, bookula units_u, brain_u full_u heat_u, night out_u, reading_u, sleep_u reverse gear_u.

book_u book_u oh my book_u why do you give me shock_u, god_u i am dying now_u, these units I finish_u how_u ??

this song_ for engineering boys_u we dont have choice_u, why this kolaveri di ??

almost end_u why this kolaveri kolaveri kolaveri di ?

why this kolaveri *yawn* di ??

a flop song.

spoof song.

kolaveri.

di.

Cheers...!!!! :)

P.S : Has there been any meltdown in blogosphere or is it only me who is feeling this vacuum here ??? 

P.P.S : In case if you too have felt this and that everybody has gone into a virtual hibernation due to exams and festivals, I was hoping of having a virtual bloggers meet..!! On twitter actually..!! well let me know what do you think of it, if you have a better plan and if you are game for it..!!

Cheers again..!!

Impromptu

AND AM BACK...!!!!
SING A SONG... NO.. SING TWO SONGS IN MY WELCOME..
ITS OK.. I DONT MIND IF YOU DINT SING.. AM HAPPY THAT YOU ARE HAPPY THAT AM BACK..!!!
ITS OK.. I AM STILL HAPPY IF YOU ARE NOT HAPPY THAT AM BACK..!!! *EVILGRINN..!!*
TELL ME YOU LOVE ME.. ITS PERFECTLY FINE IF YOU LUST ME..!!!  GET LOST IF YOU LOATH ME..(seriously.. get lost..!!)
BOY.. ITS GOOD TO BACK..!!!!!!!!!!

Hey there everyone.. 

From the bottom of my heart I wish at least somebody missed me and my posts. Though the chances or the numbers for that is less, I must confess one thing that its good to be back. I haven't been reading or commenting on blogs for long now.. blame it on my exams and running around for my final year Project but now that am back.. am back on my blog read spree...!!! Thank you to those who read my guest post.. appreciated it.. came back to read my old posts again. Will be replying to your comments soon..!!! :)

btw..

My exams are done.. and I had plenty of Post ideas that struck me while studying which I shall be posting soon.
So stay tuned..and watch this space..!!!!
For its going to be LEGEN....wait for it.....


                         
                                                              
                                                                                                                             .....DARY....!!!!!



Cheers.!!! :)




Now Playing : Look who's BACK..!!! Back AGAIN..!!! by EMINEM 




P.S : Impromptu ; the title was a word that I heard today when a friend of mine mentioned it in her conversation. Since I am not able to get t off my mind and that this post was written impromptu... I was thought I'll name it that :)


P.P.S: For those who dint know the meaning of impromptu it means "Prompted by the occasion rather than being planned in advance"